It feels awfully weird.

When you know you're not meant for something, yet you only discover it so long after. And when you wish it never happen at all in the first place, it's way too late. You will wish that everything was back to where it started, but nothing seems to click, so you get thrown into hell.

It does feel terrible.

People whom you wished could understand you just couldn't. They don't seem to notice what's wrong and will do their best to clean their hands out of it. No, I won't make no more attempts hoping that time could turn back, cause even if it really did, we won't be the same anymore.

So let's just leave the past as it is, at least there were happy memories for us.



2007 has zoomed past with a blink of an eye, and we shall give a round of applause and toast to 2008!

Hell yeah 2007 has been a year full of false hopes and disillusions, a year peppered with deceptions and lies, a year full of betrayals – friendships lost and gained, in the midst a part of me died yet another new me emerged despite the chaos. I wonder if it’s the technology or the horrendous A levels period to be blamed, it seems easy to drift apart from contacts, from acquaintances and friends becoming strangers overnight. Then again, if the friendship’s easily lost, it was never there in the first place. Yet I’m glad there are the ones that stood by me faithfully, even though we may not interact with one another on a day to day basis, but through the ups and downs they were the ones who were by my side.

It was the year I stumbled, fumbled yet the tries to pick myself up from the broken pieces never stop. That’s when I came to an understanding that determination wins, it always does.

Basically, 2007 was a year of struggle and the quest to remain sane in spite of the many insane things happening, with the friends turned foes, with encounters with hypocrites, liars, backstabbers, etc. It’s was the year of spiritual growth and I was instantly made stronger with all the nasty experiences bestowed upon me at just the tender age of seventeen. Not so young, yet not so old but am indeed grateful for the lessons learnt – I reaped what I sow yeah.

Similarly it has been the year I found strength, yes there’s a hero in each and everyone of our hearts. There were times I badly needed a listening ear but chose instead to locked up those feelings of abandonment and loneliness simply because I can’t find the right person to talk, and I find it a nuisance to keep bothering others (though on the other hand, it’s the year I bothered people the most which I feel very rueful after that).

I’ve always dismissed that idea of a liability to others, in other words I hate burdens and being a burden to someone yet that was what I did that year, pouring sorrows and woes to the wrong person, getting all so clingy and dependent on someone.

But hell yeah it was over, everything belongs to the past now. It’s now a brand new year, a fresh new start. I’ll regain my momentum again; I’ll get back my independence and self confident. To the sweeties who had been my listening ear, words aren’t simply enough to express my heartfelt thanks. And to the people who have hurt me, thank you because you made me realise what pain really is and how the world’s like.

More challenges and roadblocks are welcomed but less on the drama because 2007 has been exciting and hellish enough. Weird it may seems, I still love 2007 the most probably because I’ve grown so much emotionally, met new people, lost someone but I didn’t lose the lesson. Meantime, I just desire an ordinary life without going through the extreme of emotions.

This is life.

Another year, another chance
To start our lives anew;
This time we’ll leap old barriers
To have a real breakthrough.

-- Joanna Fuchs